‘How do you know when you’re done having kids?’, is a common question asked by mothers, even a question I USED to ask. I read copious articles, said many prayers, asked many wise women, but never really found an answer. When I had number 4, I was 90% sure I was done, but there was always a part of me that felt heartbroken at the thought of being done. I wondered if this feeling would always remain. Would I always have this feeling of incompleteness?
I’m relieved to be able to share that I feel done, I feel complete. Before I fell pregnant with #5, I was 98% sure I was done, but still grieved the thought. How can a woman simply and peacefully say, ‘I’m done’, without any regret or any uncertainty as many of my friends have been able to do? How can the woman or man make such a permanent choice by undergoing surgery to stop pregnancy from happening? With the phone number for the Urologist on hand ready to go for the snip, I fell pregnant with number 5. I was in shock. Unlike with the previous pregnancies, it took several months for me to get used to the idea. Whilst I will always see pregnancy as a blessing, even now with a 3mth old, I have less patience than I used to with things like sleep training. I also find myself getting excited about further study and job opportunities. Now when people announce their pregnancies to me, I’m thankful it’s them, not me. I can so peacefully say now, ‘I’m done’, without any uncertainty or any chance of regret. I’m so proud to be mother duck of my tribe. I’m so blessed to be their mother, what a gift, but I also feel a sense of completeness. I feel excited about the next part of our journey together. So for me, the answer to, ‘how do you know you’re done?’, is ‘oh, you will know’. I write this with much peace, no regret, and a whole lot of thankfulness for this peace and my beautiful family.
The Biomed world is one I’ve jumped into. It began slowly, but now I feel quite deep in it. With my Biomed doc easily contactable via email or Skype, and a cupboard filled with a silly amount of supplements, you’d have to say I’m in it deep.
We’ve just had some new supplements arrive to try since having our DNA results analysed, to try and treat my son’s aggression, irritability and impulsivity. Seeing I have many issues that my son has (Pyrroles, ADHD…the list goes on), but just on a milder level, I’ve started treatment too. For a while now, I’ve been feeling edgy, irritable, lacking joy and motivation. I thought, surely there has got to be a way out of this rut. I turned to our Biomed doctor for help.
Over the last few days of beginning treatment, I’ve been able to handle more histamines in my diet. I know it’s not placebo or all in my head (which I question often), because my baby has stopped projectile vomiting when I eat high histamine foods too. This is exciting. On an even better note, I’ve found my new best friend. Normally I expect it to take several days for supplements to kick in, not this time people. I started R5P, a B2 supplement, and oh my goodness. Within a few hours, I started feeling the best I’ve felt in a long time (years). It’s like being on an antidepressant without the numbing feeling. My mind is clear, happy, excited and just one happy calm island. Wow, I hope this continues. Most importantly, I will be giving this to my son when he gets home today before I even say hello. I’m praying hard that his calm island will return for him today too.
Things are never dull in our house. This week we’ve launched into an entirely new realm, something I know very little about. It’s genetics. On recommendation from our doctor, we had our son do a saliva DNA test. The reason was because the supplements we were giving were causing more adverse reactions rather than improving things. When we already walk on eggshells because of my son’s aggression and abuse, having this get worse not better, is frightening.
The results of the test have blown us away. It’s confirmed his diagnosis and also our suspicions of histamine and Oxalates intolerance. I’m so impressed with the test. It’s painted a clearer picture of why the aggression is happening too. Those unhelpful people who believe ODD and ADHD are result of bad parenting can really just go and stick it. This test has revealed otherwise. Hopefully knowing this, seeing the results for myself, will help calm my farm on days when I feel like a failure as a parent. This defiance is because of his wiring, not all because of me. Phew!
What’s next? These results have shown the doctor what genes are muted. She now knows which Enzymes he needs and which supplements will better support his body. Can you fix muted genes? Many of them are treatable, some will remain weaknesses but with supplements they’ll be barely noticeable. This gives me hope.
I’ve recently been working my way through a wonderful Youtube presentation by Dr Russell Barkley (here). He believes in a few years time, when someone enters the doctors office with suspected ADHD, the doctors first step will be to do DNA testing. If this test comes back positive for ADHD, the doctor will be able to better choose medication that targets the particular gene that needs supporting. I just find this idea fascinating and AMAZING.
If you’ve been sick for a long time and not sure why, or your current treatments aren’t effective, see a Biomed doctor (so they can help you interpret it) and get your DNA test. If you’re nervous about having your information out there, you can give them false names etc. I guess we will have to see if the supplements and treatment work, but for now this has given me a clearer picture of my son and his needs, and most importantly, the hope that I need right now.