I don’t normally write the title first, but as I was reaching for my IPad to write this post, I couldn’t help but feel excited about the year ahead. It indeed feels like a new year.
The past 18mths has been the hardest yet of my expat adventures. I thought leaving behind Jerusalem was a brilliant idea. It was. Living in Jordan has been like a vacation in terms of the change of countries. We definitely left behind intensity, insecurity and uncertainty in our day to day living, for a place of peace and hospitality. But I also left behind some very dear friends who I miss so much. I didn’t really take into account having to make new friendships and a new life. Not sure why I didn’t, but I didn’t. With a hardworking husband travelling most of this year for work, it has left me utterly burnt out. Trying to homeschool an extremely defiant, aggressive kid whilst taming my awesome toddler and other two lads, whilst pregnant, had drained my inner being. What’s worst? I haven’t made a close nit group of friends. To be honest, trying to homeschool and just survive, I haven’t had a huge opportunity to get out there and make friends. This made me feel pretty lonely and down at some points and resentful of husband at times, even if he was going out for work dinners. I wanted in too!
It’s nice being able to type this in reflective mode, knowing that a massive change is coming through, hence the beginning of a new year, or new season. I feel light, enthusiastic and happy. My homeschooler has gotten a place in our top school of choice. He is sooo happy there, in fact, thriving. Homeschooling him was an important time. It was a time of growth for him, particularly in his love for learning, and confidence as a learner. It’s nice to be able to send him back off into the world knowing that he is thriving. Considering school used to be a high stress point for him. This homeschooling time wasn’t light and fluffy though, oh no, no, it wasn’t. Trying to teach a defiant child was sometimes like hell. I had many inward and outward tantrums, many of which I’m not proud of. But, some of the battles he put up were beyond ridiculous! Homeschooling really did put a strain on our relationship. We needed the space from each other, it was way too intense. School is the perfect breath of fresh air that we needed.
Anyway, we have a newborn in the house again. Three kids have started back at school and a toddler at home. The world is my oyster, so they say. I’ve started arranging play dates, Bible Study, and in a few months will begin playing sport again. I’m thrilled to have a piece of me back that was missing for so long. Not to mention, my hardworking husband has got a new position which has barely any travel too. See why I call this a new year? It sure feels like it. It’s time to thrive rather than barely survive. It’s time to laugh and smile again, rather than frown and cry. It’s time to press ‘go’, moving forward to a place of joy and contentment with where we are and where we are going in God’s grand plan.