Interestingly, I haven’t been too phased by the relocation. I guess in many ways, it is fun. Exploring a new place, trying new foods and setting up home are fun and stimulating to all the senses. It’s the day to day stuff I’m finding very tough. The everyday walk with four small kids, special needs thrown in there, homeschooling to help us through the summer, much single parenting, increase of food intolerances, fairly housebound working around baby naps to ensure we don’t have horrible nights, and to be honest, bitter, bitter loneliness. You know it’s a problem when the introvert screams out, I’M LONELY, I need people. That’s a problem. A problem that I know isn’t going to last long, it’s a season, I know. But like being in the middle of a bitter cold winter, aknowledgement helps in knowing why you are cold, but it doesn’t make the cold go away, or make it bearable. I’m trying to find a casual babysitter to help out and give me some respite, but I haven’t got one yet. I do know I will sort out this problem soon and this will help somewhat, but having a break will mean me going off by myself in a different location. Hmmm, not solving the loneliness problem here.
As I sat to write I had so many things to write, including a huge desire to share, but there’s a massive brain fog in the way. My food intolerances to Amines and Salicylates have been at their worse since Laila’s birth, getting lots of tummy upsets and other physiological things happening. Laila is also very sensitive which has meant many a night has been spent having her wake 1-2hrly. Trying to cope with this on top of the other stuff made life extra tricky and grumpy… Something had to change…
I read about the GAPS diet, particularly the GAPS intro diet as a way of healing the gut and helping it to be able to handle foods again. Great idea right? In theory, yes. Being the impatient person I am, I jumped in and decided to give it a shot. I should’ve read more before starting that’s for sure. It’s basically only having easily digestible foods. For the first few days, stocks and soup and if you are awesome at that, you can add an egg yolk. Yipppeeee, freakin yippee. So, if you imagine, I’ve got all the stuff happening that I explained above, but put a mum and Bub in picture on a detox diet. Lack of sleep and desperation makes us do interesting things. The good news is, while on this diet, I’ve learnt I’m way more intolerant to Amines than I first originally thought and this is the cause of my chronic sinusitis. I’ve been trying to be super careful seeing I’m breastfeeding, keeping up my nutrients, but it’s super hard when you can’t have a lot of foods allowed in this diet. More healing has to take place first. That’s all good and well, but I have a cranky baby covered in detox rash, and a mum trying not to, but losing weight too quickly (hello, premarriage weight, seriously!), and coping with a detox brain, fatigue and emotions. It’s no wonder two weeks in, I cracked and had pizza with the kids last night. I’ve realised, I was expecting too much from myself and now was not the right time to do this diet (it’s soo hard working out what Bub is reacting to when they are eating solids and breastfeeding, way too hard!). I’m not enjoying the reversal stomach cramps and sinusitis that has come back 6hrs later and I’m not sure yet what’s in store for Laila, but it was all just too much!!
This little burnt out and lonely introvert must soldier on, find some more time to pray (I’m very thankful we’ve found a great church and look forward to the interactions every week), and try to sleep (thank you sinuses for sleeplessness at 4am, I haven’t missed you!), knowing that next month we have a holiday coming up. I can’t wait and I wish it could come sooner.