When I went in for surgery, for some reason I assumed that my recovery would be quick, quicker than the recommended 6 weeks.
I’m incredibly frustrated (oddly) to not be able to do simple, every day jobs. Whilst I could look at this like a holiday, I’m not really. I don’t like to leave everything for Joel to do, I’m too independent. The sheer disappointment in myself for not being able to pick up my littlest, or comfort him the way I’m used to is tough to take. The kids can’t even lean on my stomach and kidney area without causing me agony, which makes good quality hugs rather difficult to give. I’m very quickly learning, that too much standing or walking around the house trying to do small jobs or get things for the kids, is proving difficult. I’m having to redraw to the bean bag regularly to put my feet up. Otherwise, if I push it, I pay a nasty, painful price of lots of spasms, soreness and exhaustion (which is not helped by my low iron levels that have dropped significantly from the surgery).
So, I’m trying to work out how to embrace this time. I’m definitely spending more time reading with the kids, and they are spending more time watching TV. It is really hard though, these boys are active, and I can’t help be an outlet for their crazy amounts of energy that I used to be. This year I did want to do less of looking at my Iphone or Ipad and more looking at the kids, but this healing time hasn’t helped with this goal.
Oh well, everyday I’m learning to listen to my body better and have breaks when needed. I’m also grateful for having a successful surgery and for being at home with my family. I just have to keep focussing on these positive aspects of my healing, otherwise it quickly turns into a self-obsessed dark place.